Sex Theory #1

My why-straight-men-get-so-turned-on-by-two-women-kissing/having sex theory:
1. When it's a man and a woman it may be too romantic, and we're only interested in watching the woman. And that cuts down considerably on the Hotness-Factor
2. When it's two women, it gives us twice as much to look at, and we can relate to what both women are experiencing.
Conclusion: It's more to look at, more to relate to and higher overall on the Hotness-Factor...and perversion...and kinkiness...meter.
Don't blame me, ladies, you know how men are about sex. The more the better, even if we're not participating.

Prison Hotties!!!

I was googling a stylist named Cynthia Ramos. She worked for Chaz Dean Studio in Hollywood, but I came across this page called (gulp) 'cowtown', where a pic of a topless woman with a description saying "I've been here for 2 1/2 years..." Uh...she was in prison and looking for love. She was doing 2-5 years for a probation violation and possession of a firearm!!! Prison Hotties! Ahahaha Holy shit!
Uh...I found the wrong Cynthia Ramos! Ahhahahaha!

Mickey-D's I'm Lovin' It!!!

McRibb is Back! Can't wait to sink my teeth into that pig tripe, heart, scalded stomach and the 33 other ingredients in the "meat", shaped to look like, uh....ribs.
And the bun, which includes ammonium sulfate, polysorbate 80, calcium sulfate, ethoxylated mono- and diglycerides, and azodicarbonamide, "a flour-bleaching agent most commonly used in the manufactur[ing] of foamed plastics like gym mats the and soles of shoes."!!! Mmmm I'm lovin' it! (barff!!!)

It's the Economy, Stupid!

Two Americans have been awarded the Nobel Prize in Economic Sciences. The two men have had influence with policy makers and businesses, and the award will benefit their already prestigious careers. When asked if they had any ideas about how to fix America's poor economy one of the men said "We have no fucking idea." The other said "Jesus couldn't fix the American economy! But, who cares, we just got awarded a million dollars!" They then high-fived and chest-bumped each other.

The Doritos King is Dead. Long Live the Doritos King!

The man that invented Doritos has passed away in Texas. He was 97. His family said they will turn a bag of the corn chips over, and pour some out for the homie before he is covered in dirt. That's gangster love, right there.

Bank of America

Bank of America continues with home foreclosures, even as it prepares to lay off 30,000 employees. A pack of 7 coyotes that are living in a burned out house in North Glendale, CA. received a notice of eviction and given 30 day to vacate the premises or be removed by force. A Bank of America representative said, "We don't care if they are coyotes they still have to make their mortgage payment every month just like everyone else."

Yes, We're Ready!

At 5pm tonight the Dead Season (barfball) ends and the Real Season (Football) begins. And God said unto them "Let them play". And a great moment of triumph and jubilation washed over working-class men.

Mario Lopez

I'm starting to find Mario Lopez attractive. Would that be a Man-Crush or a Bromance? I'm working with a team of top therapists to resolve this issue as soon as possible, because it's making me feel quite uncomfortable. These are the types of things that I can never tell my girlfriend, because she likes him, too. It could get awkward.

Ya Gotta Love Raider Fans

Authorities are reporting that absolute chaos ensued when a Raider game broke out during a Shooting/Stabbing/Beating Event in the bay area. Please do not stereotype Raider fans. My brother is one and he has never shot or beaten anyone......that didn't deserve it...

Gas Station Bed Sheets

Why am I seeing people with pop-up canopies selling bed sheets at gas stations? Nobody wants to buy muhhafuggin bed sheets at muhhafuggin gas stations! Quit selling that shit!

1 Year Anniversary

I am celebrating my first year (not really celebrating) of doing stand-up comedy and it's been interesting. I had no idea what I was doing when I started and now......I  know even less. I started out getting shit- nervous when I hit the stage to the point of nausea and dry heaves. I had even thought of actually taking a bucket on stage with me, not as a prop, but as a way to not make a mess on a comedy club stage and get banned for life from a place that I'd probably want to perform at again. I had a show at John Lovitz Comedy Club last September and I found some cool plastic pop-corn buckets; the kind that might be purchased at the movies, but these were decorated with some cute children's movie promo on them. I thought that they would make great barf-buckets. Thankfully I didn't have to use one, even though I had been in a serious panic for the two weeks leading up to the show. I did well that night, some friends came out and I learned something valuable that night: Doing stand-up is not quite scary enough to cause me to die of a massive heart attack onstage. Almost, but not quite. And that is a good thing, because as long as I am alive......you can come see me!

Welcome!

Welcome to my new site! Enjoy.