City of Parking Tickets

So, it's dreaded Street-Sweeping day. Had to move my car by 10am. I woke up at 10:20, leaped out of bed, put on some sweatpants and grabbed my keys and ran out to my car, barefoot, shirtless, messy bed hair. No ticket! Thank God! Finally my luck is starting to change!

Twitterverse, I Have Arrived!!

Please follow me on Twitter.com @HumorUsSylvan

Oh, I Could Just Kill a Man!

Why do I have to do laundry today?! I am gonna hunt down and kill the muhhafuggah that invented laundry!

Sex Theory #1

My why-straight-men-get-so-turned-on-by-two-women-kissing/having sex theory:
1. When it's a man and a woman it may be too romantic, and we're only interested in watching the woman. And that cuts down considerably on the Hotness-Factor
2. When it's two women, it gives us twice as much to look at, and we can relate to what both women are experiencing.
Conclusion: It's more to look at, more to relate to and higher overall on the Hotness-Factor...and perversion...and kinkiness...meter.
Don't blame me, ladies, you know how men are about sex. The more the better, even if we're not participating.

Prison Hotties!!!

I was googling a stylist named Cynthia Ramos. She worked for Chaz Dean Studio in Hollywood, but I came across this page called (gulp) 'cowtown', where a pic of a topless woman with a description saying "I've been here for 2 1/2 years..." Uh...she was in prison and looking for love. She was doing 2-5 years for a probation violation and possession of a firearm!!! Prison Hotties! Ahahaha Holy shit!
Uh...I found the wrong Cynthia Ramos! Ahhahahaha!

Mickey-D's I'm Lovin' It!!!

McRibb is Back! Can't wait to sink my teeth into that pig tripe, heart, scalded stomach and the 33 other ingredients in the "meat", shaped to look like, uh....ribs.
And the bun, which includes ammonium sulfate, polysorbate 80, calcium sulfate, ethoxylated mono- and diglycerides, and azodicarbonamide, "a flour-bleaching agent most commonly used in the manufactur[ing] of foamed plastics like gym mats the and soles of shoes."!!! Mmmm I'm lovin' it! (barff!!!)

It's the Economy, Stupid!

Two Americans have been awarded the Nobel Prize in Economic Sciences. The two men have had influence with policy makers and businesses, and the award will benefit their already prestigious careers. When asked if they had any ideas about how to fix America's poor economy one of the men said "We have no fucking idea." The other said "Jesus couldn't fix the American economy! But, who cares, we just got awarded a million dollars!" They then high-fived and chest-bumped each other.