Mario Lopez

I'm starting to find Mario Lopez attractive. Would that be a Man-Crush or a Bromance? I'm working with a team of top therapists to resolve this issue as soon as possible, because it's making me feel quite uncomfortable. These are the types of things that I can never tell my girlfriend, because she likes him, too. It could get awkward.

Ya Gotta Love Raider Fans

Authorities are reporting that absolute chaos ensued when a Raider game broke out during a Shooting/Stabbing/Beating Event in the bay area. Please do not stereotype Raider fans. My brother is one and he has never shot or beaten anyone......that didn't deserve it...

Gas Station Bed Sheets

Why am I seeing people with pop-up canopies selling bed sheets at gas stations? Nobody wants to buy muhhafuggin bed sheets at muhhafuggin gas stations! Quit selling that shit!

1 Year Anniversary

I am celebrating my first year (not really celebrating) of doing stand-up comedy and it's been interesting. I had no idea what I was doing when I started and now......I  know even less. I started out getting shit- nervous when I hit the stage to the point of nausea and dry heaves. I had even thought of actually taking a bucket on stage with me, not as a prop, but as a way to not make a mess on a comedy club stage and get banned for life from a place that I'd probably want to perform at again. I had a show at John Lovitz Comedy Club last September and I found some cool plastic pop-corn buckets; the kind that might be purchased at the movies, but these were decorated with some cute children's movie promo on them. I thought that they would make great barf-buckets. Thankfully I didn't have to use one, even though I had been in a serious panic for the two weeks leading up to the show. I did well that night, some friends came out and I learned something valuable that night: Doing stand-up is not quite scary enough to cause me to die of a massive heart attack onstage. Almost, but not quite. And that is a good thing, because as long as I am alive......you can come see me!